Here’s something I wrote a while back.
I sit here in my grey, melting, wingback chair that has become my cocoon of solitary confinement and it hits me: I’ve gone over the horizon. Standing in my yard tonight, smoking a joint, and drinking a beer; I was rather frightened that the metal beasties, with their brazen red, white and blue lights were leaping over the roof of my house, flying sideways and attempting to spring upon me with their menacing roar and little cabin lights when I wasn’t looking.
It was horrifying, like Harkins’ balls. I’m stoned beyond belief… drunk… it’s quite possibly the happiest that I’ve been in a long time. I just lie in the grass of my front yard, accepting the continuing metallic assault on my senses.I really want to do some shrooms and go camping.
I think I’m losing my mind in small, tiny increments.
That’s pretty much all I wanted to say.
Yeah, anyway, I guess it’s maybe the best thing I’ve ever written as far as my ability to convey a feeling goes. So yeah.
So, what I want to do is start doing interviews with folks around town. I’m about to start working on a monkey suit. Not tux, a real monkey suit. I bought a pattern and my friend 
Have you ever thought about what it is to be a grown up? I have. I don’t like it. Things get more complicated and unsure. When you’re a child you’re more sure about the more important things. You may not know a lot of stuff but, you know what you like. When you make a decision you don’t dwell on asking yourself if it was the right decision.
So last night I went and saw one of my favorite bands, The Avett Brothers. I’m not really sure how one pronounces that but, they rock none the less. I don’t really know how to classify them either. Country? Rock? Indie? I have no idea. Here’s what the San Francisco Chronicle had for a way to describe them.
The live show was really awesome but, in a way very strange and very sad. Strange because of the demographics of the crowd. I didn’t really expect to see so many frat boys and sorostitues there. Sure, not all frat boys are into Dave Mathews but still. These were just not your expected kids at this concert. I expected many more hipsters and folk hipsters. I didn’t expect to see so many women with shiny earrings and makeup on. Guys wearing khaki shorts and a Bud t-shirt. When the band played songs about deep, heartfelt love? The frat boys ate it up, singing along and cheering. I watched as some frat boy got upset at the two girls with him because they were talking during the show. He repeatedly would tell them to be quiet. Really? I expect this at Newby’s or at a DMB concert but The Avett Brothers?
All in all though, they’re one of my favorite bands ever. I mean, I listened to their entire catalog yesterday, straight through, chronologically before I went to the show. These guys have some of the most heart moving music I’ve ever heard. I highly suggest them to anyone and everyone, even the frat boys.
Broken.
Last night I did one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I really feel broken by it but in the end, I know it was the right thing. Pain ebbs. Hopefully one day we’ll both be able to look back at it and see that it was indeed right. I hope. The sad thing though is that there really isn’t any way to know and be one hundred percent sure. There are always questions and what-ifs. Should I have tried to work it out? Did I do the right thing? Was I unreasonable? Was it really a lost cause? Would things have changed? There’s no way to know without continuing on to see. The problem with that though is that continuing on could make things worse. So all you can really do is look at it and make your best prognostication and hope for the best.
I chose to end the relationship. I hope I was right. More importantly though, I hope she’s okay. It was never a question of love. It was a question of sustainability.